Missions Textbook 24
Called to be a Husband

We Never Saw It Coming: An Introduction to Christian Missions (textbook)

In Shakespeare’s play, “Henry IV,” King Richard laments, “Uneasy is the head that wears the crown” (Part 2, Act 3, Scene 1). Leadership is not easy, as any president, CEO, teacher, pastor or husband will tell you. In fact, it can be downright frightening to have everyone depending upon your leadership. To do it right involves a careful balance of confidence and humility. Fortunately, God gave Christian husbands a few guidelines in Scripture.

We can return to Genesis 1 for the beginning of the husband-wife relationship. Again, the fact that they were created as equals with tasks to share gave them similar goals. Before the creation of the woman, Adam had to be shown in Genesis 2:20 that “no man is an island.” He was missing something, and the animals, as fuzzy and useful as they were, did not fill the bill. In fact, God said that it was “not good for the man to be alone” (2:18), and so He created the woman to be his helper.

Well, what does one do with a helper? She is there to help to fill the earth with people, rule over the animal kingdom, and care for the garden God had planted. Will he use the help? Everything went smoothly until Satan decided to interfere in this smooth relationship by casting doubt on God’s character. Then Satan used Adam’s helper to help him do something Adam knew perfectly well he should not do. The fact that Adam was blamed for the sin is proof that God considered him the leader in the relationship; after all, he was created first. In Genesis 3:17, God reprimanded Adam for allowing her to talk him into doing what she wanted, when it was wrong. Adam abdicated, the result was a curse put on the earth, and the whole human race has borne the brunt of this ever since.

So now let’s look at the rest of Ephesians 5:22-33. It seems like it was Adam’s misfortune to be created first, but God made him head of the wife and, by extension, head of the family. If a young man wants to continue to live his life like he wants without any interference, then he needs to stay single. God through Paul the apostle makes it very clear that when a man marries, his life is no longer his own. At that point, he needs to begin loving his wife as Christ loved the church.

How did Christ love the church? In the past, He died on the cross for her. He is in the process of sanctifying her, washing away her sins and teaching her how to live a holy life. And in the future, He will present to Himself a pure and holy bride. The amount of sacrifice required is unlimited. The rewards, if done correctly, are glorious. Paul even says that the husband is to love and care for his wife as he loves and cares for himself. Every believing husband will someday stand before his Head, Jesus Christ, and will give account for how well he treated his wife and children.

Since Paul wrote that Jesus wants the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25), the husband has to realize that Paul probably never had to do that. Jesus had told Ananias in Acts 9:15 that God was going to show Paul how many things he was going to suffer for Jesus’ name’s sake. This is not God’s calling for the vast majority of husbands. Jesus did not say that the missionary husband must love other believers as Jesus loved the Church (although they must love one another – John 13:34). The husband and father has to prioritize taking care of his family before taking care of other believers. Such decisions are not easy and never simple. The mission field can be dangerous, health issues and persecution issues being the most prominent. To how much danger should a husband and father expose his family in ministry? Single missionaries have fewer responsibilities in this area. When should the wife and mother object to the danger level proposed by the ministry? The husband must never forget, that a wife is God’s special gift to a man who wants to serve the Lord, and especially in a foreign culture, and that the children are the father’s God-given disciples to raise in the fear of the Lord.

In the daily world, this means that every decision must be run through the grid of: “What is best for my wife and family?” What would Jesus do? It does not mean, however, that the wife and family will be happy with every decision. It also does not even mean that the husband must consult with everyone and take a vote. It simply means – and it’s not really simple at all – that the responsibility for ultimate decisions rests on the husband, not the wife. Which should drive him to his knees, asking God for wisdom.

We Never Saw It Coming: An Introduction to Christian Missions (textbook)

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