Missions Textbook 22
Called to be a Wife

We Never Saw It Coming: An Introduction to Christian Missions (textbook)

I would be remiss, if I did not tell you that I did not want to go to Russia. Although there are many “non-negotiables” in following God’s will, God’s will for our personal lives can change, as we make choices. (See the article, “God’s Call versus Guidance”)

I made a decision to follow Christ when I was ten years old. At thirteen, I heard a missionary speak and decided that I wanted to spend my life as a missionary. My choices of friends, high school classes, and college were all influenced by those two decisions. When I met Floyd, we both felt individually that serving God on the mission field was how we wanted to spend our lives. Floyd wanted to go to a German-speaking field, and I, who had had a smattering of German in my childhood, thought that sounded like a smart thing to do. Of course, we were also praying about these things, but in the end, we had to make choices. We decided to marry each other, and our paths merged. 

We moved to Portland, Oregon at the recommendation of a friend of Floyd’s, and while he attended seminary, we found our dear Eastgate Bible Church. Our choice of church influenced many of our decisions after that: how we would be supported, with whom we would work, and the type of churches we would plant in Austria. All along, we were praying, asking others to pray, writing letters to inform ourselves, and making plans. We even considered what we would do, if the leaders at Eastgate decided not to let us go to the mission field.

Floyd made many of the decisions: how much to sell the house for, which car to buy in Europe, where we would attend language school, and when we would leave. I made decisions too: what to sell, what to store, what to take to Europe, and how it would all be packed. We talked about all the decisions, but one of us had to make the final decision in each of these cases. The path we were on together seemed obvious, and we traveled it together until 1989 when Russia opened to western missionaries.

I have to say that if you as a woman want always to have things your way, then don’t get married. Husbands are not given to wives just to take care of us (although they do that) and to make our lives easier (which they sometimes do) and to do what we want. God put them at the head of the family, and they are not obeying Him if they do not fulfill that assignment.

There are many books written about the husband and wife relationship.[1] Choose carefully ones that are based on sound scriptural principles of hermeneutics and interpretation. I want to give just a few points that helped me negotiate my transition out of Austria to Russia and beyond.

In Genesis 1:27-31, we read that God created man and woman in His own image to share equally in the responsibilities of filling the earth with people, ruling over the animal kingdom, and caring for the garden God had planted. In Genesis 2:22-25, God tells the story of the woman’s creation in more detail, particularly that she was created to be a helper comparable to him. Now much has been written in recent days about what the Hebrew word for ‘helper’ means – so much so that ezer is becoming an English word. All I want to say about this is that God is often called our helper, and that in no way diminishes His worth. A helper is not someone who cleans up all the messes (although we do that too); a helper is one who is there to help because we cannot do it alone. That’s why a husband needs a wife. Of course, women have the tendency to “help” until the man finally gives up and does it her way. This is our sin, described in Genesis 3:16.

This story is further expounded in First Timothy 2:9-15. In this section, we encounter the word that 21st century women hate to hear: submission. We submit to God, our government, and our bosses, but for some reason, it grates against us to use this word in our relationship with our husbands, even though Scripture requires it. Paul gives Timothy two irrefutable reasons: Adam was created first (just like the boss was at the company before you were), and Eve was the first one deceived by Satan (which doesn’t mean she’s stupid; she just would be wise to use the wisdom of her husband). Finally, Paul suggests that in the family, there are still plenty of things to do besides trying to tell our husbands how to do everything. Children will need lots of direction, correction, teaching, bossing, and leading.

Ephesians 5:22-33 is a long passage on the husband-wife relationship. It begins with submission, and modern commentators often attempt to reframe the language into something more politically correct. Although in verse 21, Paul writes that believers should submit to one another, you will not find any verse in the New Testament that says that the husband should submit to the wife (or that parents should submit to their children – Eph. 6:1-4; or slave owners should submit to the slaves – Eph. 6:5-9). In fact, as we have already pointed out, it’s probably not a good idea at all. We do find several verses commanding wives to submit to their husbands. It’s hard to get around that unless we want to rewrite Scripture. The nice thing about these verses is that Paul gives a comparison to guide the wife in her submission. The wife is to submit to the husband as the church submits to Christ. The point is that the church does not always understand everything that Christ requires. In the same way, the wife may not understand everything her husband decides to do. The husband, unfortunately, is fallible, and submitting can, therefore, be a little scarier.

For me, as I contemplated going to Russia, I found much comfort in the verses about Sarah and Abraham in First Peter 3:1-6. Submission is again mentioned, and I had to remember that Abraham tried twice to pass off Sarah as his sister in order to save his own life. He put her in a terrible situation where she could have been raped by the king, and the child she bore would have not been Abraham’s. God, of course, intervened, and that is the point of verse 5: The holy women of God hoped in God and submitted to their husbands. They did not reverse this: submit to God and hope in their husbands. Wives should never put their future hope in husbands because husbands are mortal and fallible, and they won’t always do what their wives want. And when we stand before Christ, someday, we will not be responsible for the decisions our husband made; we will only be asked how we submitted and supported our husband as the church does Christ.

Floyd, of course, treated me very well. Even so, I recognized more and more that God was the one who was watching over me. More importantly, He was watching over our two sons, who would eventually be cut off from our input by lack of email or telephone service. God was more involved in their lives than Floyd and I could ever be.

All this knowledge did not always take the edge off my sadness. There were times when I tried – passionately – to talk Floyd out of what I considered misplaced zeal. In the end, however, I went to Russia. Floyd took very good care of me, and God enabled me to do and learn things I thought impossible.  There were times, still, when I was sad or angry or frightened, but there were also times of joy and fun and wonder, but that was true in Austria as well. Now we can look back at some of the possible impact our time in Russia might have had on the people we met, as we learned their language, shared the Gospel, and gave them Bibles.

The lives and destinies of a husband and wife are very much intertwined. Another husband might have decided that his wife’s reluctance indicated that they should wait or not go at all. This does not diminish his leadership, for he still has to make the final decision. After all, he has been given a helper, and her input is also valuable. For the wife, however, once she has decided to marry a man, there are verses in Scripture that are very much God’s will for her life. Just because submission is not popular in our culture does not mean it’s irrelevant in God’s culture.

I have to admit to you that during our time in Russia, there was a sweetness in my relationship with God that I have never had anywhere else. It was as if He took particular pains to assure me of His nearness, love, and protection. I wonder if that’s how Sarah felt as she slept in the palace of the king and hoped in God.

[1] Larry Crabb, The Marriage Builder (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2012).

We Never Saw It Coming: An Introduction to Christian Missions (textbook)

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