If My Friend Says No

“No, I’m not really interested in reading the Bible with you.”

How do we respond when our friend says this in response to our invitation to read the Bible with us?

First, we have to keep the scriptural perspective in mind. Not everyone will want to read the Bible with you. Jesus said in John 7:17, “If any man is willing to do His will, he shall know of the teaching, whether it is of God, or whether I speak from Myself.” A person has to want to find God before a proper response is possible. Matthew 7:13-14 is frightening but true: “Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it. For the gate is small, and the way is narrow that leads to life, and few are those who find it.” We cannot expect everyone to say yes, when, in fact, most people will probably say no.

When the rich young ruler came to Jesus and asked what he had to do to receive eternal life, he rejected the Lord’s answer. When he walked away, Jesus didn’t chase after him and say, “No, wait. Come back. Let me make it easier for you.” Nor did he force a decision on him. The Gospel is not ours to water down; it is for us to proclaim.

There is at least one good alternative that we can offer an unsaved friend, however. If your friend says no to reading the Bible with you, ask him to read it on his own. If he says yes to this suggestion, then ask if you could get together with him later on to hear what he thinks about what he has read. I have learned much from my unsaved friends’ viewpoints. I tell them that I am interested in their view of the Bible because it helps me to understand them, and sometimes I am motivated to revise my own view of a certain passage because others have shared their thoughts with me. I am still learning, and I have a lot to learn from them.

If your friend chooses neither to read the Bible with you nor even to give the Bible much thought, that does not mean that your friend will not respond to the Gospel later. We all want to be surprised when we arrive in heaven to find that our unsaved friends and relatives did, even in the final moments of their lives, accept the Lord. We will most certainly discover that our prayers played a vital role in finally motivating them to let go of their pride and to give their lives to the Lord Jesus. Never assume that an unsaved person is going to stay unsaved just because he or she is not willing to respond to the Gospel when you present it.

The key to motivating your friend in the future can depend on your Christian lifestyle. Have you really changed, or is this new religious discovery just a short-lived hobbyhorse?

Before Helmut got saved, he had alienated all of his relatives and most of his friends with his temper and crudeness. Within a few days after accepting the Lord, he had further alienated his six relatives by “evangelizing” them. He finally came to the conclusion that his family was unreachable by this method, and he asked me what he should do. I told him to stop talking to them about his new-found faith and to begin to listen to their views. Also, he should start being nice to them by doing things for them that they would appreciate. He began by giving his wife some flowers. She nearly died of a heart attack! He spent a weekend working on his brother’s house while his brother was out of town on business. When his brother returned, he didn’t believe that it was Helmut who had done the work.

A year later, his sister called me and said, “Mr. Schneider, my brother has changed too much for this to be another one of his weird ideas. There has to be something about the Bible that can change a person so much. Is there a Bible study for me to attend somewhere in my area?”

It took one year for the first break-through. At the time of this writing, three of his relatives are believers. Helmut had learned to love his relatives instead of preaching to them.

I heard a story a few years ago about a man, Robert, who accepted the Lord when in his early forties and was immediately rejected by his two other brothers and disinherited by his very elderly and very wealthy grandfather. Robert continued to show love to his brothers and visited his grandfather often. He eventually got his grandfather to read the Bible. Shortly before he died, the grandfather accepted the Lord.

At the reading of the grandfather’s will, the two brothers discovered to their delight, that the grandfather had left everything to them and nothing to their Robert. To their amazement, Robert said that he did not want to contest the will. He said that he had his grandfather – he would see him in heaven – and that was enough for him.

A week later, two things happened on the same day. One of the brothers called Robert to ask why he had chosen to not contest the will. They set a time to get together to discuss it. Robert also told him that it had to do with Jesus and the Bible and that he would bring a Bible for his brother to start reading. The brother agreed.  A little while later, Robert received a letter from the lawyer. The grandfather has given the lawyer the following instructions: “Robert is to receive nothing. I know him well enough to know that Jesus and I are more important to him than my money. I am positive that he will not contest the will. I also know my other two greedy grandsons. I am convinced that the only way Robert can reach them is by showing them that there is more to life than my money.

“If Robert does refuse to contest the will, then he is to receive the enclosed modest [six figures!] savings account for his business. If I have misjudged Robert, and he does contest the will, the savings account is to be given to a charity.”

I do not know if Robert’s brothers have become Christians, but I am sure that Robert and his grandfather are going to have a splendid reunion.

Continue loving the friend who still refuses to read with you. Always be available when needed, even if just to talk over the fence about the weather.

My wife spent months cultivating the friendship of our next-door neighbor (a homemaker and university instructor). The lady accepted my wife’s friendship warmly and gladly, but constantly rejected any conversations about our faith. She went so far as to protect her husband from any private conversation with me. But on the opposite track, she sent her two daughters to our church’s Sunday School – so she could sleep longer on Sunday mornings. Seeing her lifestyle and pride, we predicted how things would turn out for her, and we were right: Her husband filed for divorce a couple of years after we moved to another town. She was still closed to the Gospel, but a mutual friend came into contact with her husband and reported that he had become interested in spiritual things.

Sometimes the Lord will use a tragedy or a failure to bring an unsaved person to seek Him. Sometimes people respond correctly, and sometimes they become more bitter. Sometimes we are surprised by the interest of someone other than the person for whom we’ve been praying. Our only hope is continued prayer.

So do you stop being a friend when they say no? Definitely not! My wife and I have never stopped being friends with someone who would not read the Bible with us. Although we have continued to invite them over or offered to help them in some way, very few of our unsaved friends who said no have wanted to continue spending time with us after they discovered that we were “religious.” They stopped spending time with us; we never closed the door on them. Keep your door open and keep praying for them.

Do It!

1.  If you have been doing all of the Do It! sections at the end of each chapter, you are probably already reading the Bible with an unsaved friend.  If, however, a friend has said no, and you have not picked someone else to ask, go back to your friend and give her a New Testament to read on her own. Then make her the offer found in this chapter.

2.  Keep praying for this friend.

3.  Ask others to pray for this friend.

4.  Ask another unsaved friend to read with you.

If you have read this far, then you might be interested in my questions I've used in Bible studies that cover John 1-6. You can find them in my book, Evangelism for the Fainthearted. Just remember, that every believer is different, and the Holy Spirit works through each of us differently. Don't attempt to force my questions onto your Bible study. Read them as examples. If they work for you, great! If not, read the text a couple of times before your study and ask the Lord for the questions He wants you to ask. May be wildly successful on this venture!

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